In this powerful and emotionally candid episode of Martial Attitude Voice, Kijuan Amey joins Mathias Alberton to share his extraordinary story of survival and adaptation following a life-altering motorbike accident that left him blind and coping with a traumatic brain injury. Kijuan opens up about the deep and ongoing impact the accident had—not only on his physical abilities but also on his memory, emotional regulation, and interpersonal relationships.
Through a conversation marked by honesty and vulnerability, Kijuan describes the daily challenges of navigating life with unfiltered emotional responses and short-term memory loss, and how these affect his sense of identity and connection with others. He offers listeners a raw insight into what it's like to feel misunderstood, to live with invisible impairments, and to work tirelessly at regaining control, one day at a time. This is a conversation about resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of empathy and, crucially, of the will to take actions to regain one's independence.
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Mathias Alberton (00:01.093)
Hello everyone, this is Mathias Alberton, I'm the creator of Martial Attitude, this is Martial Attitude Voice. As you know, it's a podcast investigating both spoke psychology, discipline and, very importantly, visual impairment, in the sense that I have always been very interested in knowing the perspective and the relative, let's say, reality or perception of reality of and experiences of visually impaired and blind people across because I developed my own interest in creating a training program for visually impaired and blind people, which I run here in London. It's called the Martial Attitude Training. And you can join every Sunday afternoon. I do the workshops. And of course, you can keep in touch by email or social media to ask more information. And I am still implementing the system in order to contribute, visually impaired and blind people to get a better sense of balance, posture, and overall confidence when in touch with other people in social context. many of the episodes of Martial Attitude Voice have been dedicated to the experiences of visually impaired and blind people, as is for today's podcast.
So today I am in contact, connecting and broadcasting, so to speak, with US, North Carolina, where I find Kijuan Amey, who was a very well-versed specialist in-flight refueling in the Army, in the Air Force. in US when at the age of 25 a very dreadful accident occurred and he lost completely sight is here with us speaking about this experience but not only. K1, how do you do?
Kijuan Amey (02:17.218)
I'm doing pretty good. I do appreciate you having me here on your platform to discuss my story and the things that I do deal with on a daily.
Mathias Alberton (02:25.327)
Well, to be fair, has been a pleasure and honestly quite surprising you have touched bass with me first, isn't it?
Kijuan Amey (02:36.234)
Yes, yes I did. I did reach out.
Mathias Alberton (02:38.491)
How did it work? Where did you find me? What struck you as interesting of what I was doing?
Kijuan Amey (02:45.686)
It was based off of the podcast you're doing here, like what we're doing today, recording and listening in and then what it pertained to. So like you already hinted at the visual impair, the sports, the mental, all the discipline. I speak to all of these things because I'm also a keynote speaker, a trusted mentor and a resilience coach when it comes to this type of stuff. So it fell right in line.
Mathias Alberton (03:12.023)
And we have to say from the outset, you're also an author of a book, which I have, which I have read, which is, don't focus on, why me and is available on Amazon and everyone who is listening will find of course, Q and, all the links and the links of the book in the description of the episode here below. I want to talk about this book as well.
Kijuan Amey (03:23.821)
Yes.
Mathias Alberton (03:41.657)
I want to talk how it all led to the book. But you also have spoken about being a motivational speaker, keynote speaker. This is what you do right now. And how does it work for you? You find places where to go, conferences or happenings, or you are invited. How did you make it work for you?
Kijuan Amey (03:53.667)
Yes.
Kijuan Amey (04:06.848)
Yeah, so all of the above. I can be invited. I can create my own, know, spearhead my own conferences or events or, you know, for example, like these podcasts, I reach out, people will, you know, say, hey, come on, let's do the podcast. And then when we get done talking, they're like, I have somebody else I want you to talk to. So referrals too. So when I speak on stages, I do virtual. I do it all. There's nothing that I don't leave any stone unturned. So if you want to hear me speak, there are ways for it to happen.
Mathias Alberton (04:45.169)
And we will investigate them because I want to start let's let's say for as grim as it might sound from the beginning so reading your book I understood I mean you were 25 how old are you now?
Kijuan Amey (04:59.886)
I am 33 now.
Mathias Alberton (05:01.497)
Right. So some eight years ago or so you were conducting your life in the armed forces, in the air forces, and you did your course, your training. You were quite happy with your career. You know, the car, the motorbike, all that stuff. Family, not yet, but, you know, in plans.
Kijuan Amey (05:12.92)
Yes, the Air Force.
Mathias Alberton (05:30.789)
And then there was a car accident, motorbike car accident. And you woke up after induced coma, many surgeries with your sight gone and you started over from there. So this is very, very quick, of course, but let's say from that moment when you woke up and you did go through the rehab and now my question would be what has changed in this amount of time?
Kijuan Amey (06:11.31)
Well, like you mentioned a lot, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, a lot of things have changed, not just because the accident, but because of the physical damage that it did to me. Like my traumatic brain injury is severe. It actually has caused some short-term memory loss, as well as with the damage to my frontal lobe, it affects my emotions.
And so, yeah, and so if I flare up, it's due to the accident. It's almost to a point where I don't really control it until it's like too late. You know what I mean? So I'm already in the moment, shall I say. And it's like, whoa, okay, where am I? Like one of those moments. And I get faulted for it a lot only because people still think of me as the 25 year old me before the accident. They don't view me as the person after the accident. And that's the in denial phase. You're in denial that I had an accident that caused damage to me, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, all of it. But see, when people just operate based off of self versus incorporating everyone else. That's how it gets taken. And so, literally recently just had an encounter similar to that. And since this was not the first time that I've had a similar encounter with that same group of individuals, I decided to remove myself from the equation because it's not just affecting you all. It affects me too. When I go through those moments.
And so I tend to do my best with controlling because that is really what I have to do. I literally have to control it and I go to mental therapy for it. And it's one of those things that I think is gonna be an ongoing battle. And so I'm learning daily how to deal with this thing. But when people, it almost feels like people egg you on, that's not somebody who you need to be around.
Mathias Alberton (08:50.223)
Now, when you're talking about this difficulty, this cognitive difficulty of... say control your emotions. You're talking about getting angry to people or to react badly to think situation words. Is this what you are referring to? Right. And this happened from day one in the recovery process. As you mentioned in the book, for instance, I remember that passage where your brother was guiding you early on through the airport. You bumped into some luggages.
Kijuan Amey (09:35.892)
I bumped into the turnstile that you walked through.
Mathias Alberton (09:40.183)
And, and that was one of those cases, for instance, you are referring to, and you discovered that you, you, you, you were capable of getting overly angry on things that you would have otherwise controlled better.
Kijuan Amey (09:42.958)
Yes. That and another one during the same that same trip he left the in the hotel room he left the closet door open and I ran into it hit my head square square in the middle and I'm like what the heck why is the closet door open. And you know, my bad, was just, no, you're not even in the closet anymore. Why is it open? You know what I'm saying? Like my thought process, and especially, you know, when you go through the blind rehab centers and all the different trainings, a door is either all the way open. And when I say all the way, I mean all the way up against the wall or all the way closed. There's no halfway, there's no in the middle unless you're standing there in it. So when I open doors, they're either all the way open because I've either walked away or all the way closed when I'm walking away or if it's open to a point where you can't get by it's because I'm in there. And so that's how I treat doors and, you know, just different things like that. Hey, you have to clear both me and your walking space when you're guiding me, not just yours. And that's what that situation was. He just cleared his space, not realizing I had to go right by him. I can't see anything. And so that's how that happened.
Mathias Alberton (11:29.645)
And let's say before you realized there was a kind of, to a certain extent, cognitive impairment due to the accident. It was something that it was clarified to you early on, or something that actually has been identified a bit later.
Kijuan Amey (11:52.066)
When I went to the, I mean, they kind of told me in the hospital, but I didn't remember much because I was on so much medication. But once I went to the Blind Rehab Center in Tucson, Arizona, they did a psych test on me. And I mean, the psychologist is like, well, you have a great memory. It's just that if something were to walk in this room right now and start interrupting you, you wouldn't remember nothing we were talking about. Like so when you're focused, you're fine. But as soon as something distracts that, you won't remember.
Mathias Alberton (12:27.729)
So when you were before mentioning the short memory loss, it's something that you are still affected. Meaning if certain conditions are met, such as you are, let's say, a bit taken away by certain negative, as far as I understand, emotions, then what happens in that moment in time is gone when you take back control over your emotions. Is that what you're saying?
Kijuan Amey (13:04.598)
No, so the difference, that's two different things. the mental side of it is one thing and then the emotion side is another. So the short-term memory is literally anything. It doesn't matter whether I'm happy, sad, crying, angry, that part doesn't matter with the short-term memory. It's more so with that short-term memory that I could be in a full-blown sentence and discussing a conversation with someone like I've had happen before and somebody distracts us.
And then I'm like, shoot, what was I talking about? And they'll try to help me. And I still won't remember. I still won't remember where I was going with it. Now I might hear everything you're saying and I'll be like, okay, but what was I going with it? Because they don't know. I was the only person who knew where I was going with that. And so that's the mental side of it. Now the emotional is you're happy, you're sad, you're angry and how it flares up.
So, yes, I can get really excited, but I can also get really angry. But the thing about it is how fast it happens. That's the part that it affected, how quickly it happens. Yes.
Mathias Alberton (14:18.915)
It is unfiltered, let's say that the change is unfiltered.
Kijuan Amey (14:23.532)
The control is just like, it's got, it almost has his own switch. It's got my switch and then it's got his, its own as well.
Mathias Alberton (14:29.923)
And when it's happening, you understand it's happening.
Kijuan Amey (14:36.145)
no, not at the time.
Mathias Alberton (14:37.745)
No, at the time, so just in retrospective.
Kijuan Amey (14:40.16)
Yeah, it's like, it's either after the fact or as I'm in it, like right in the middle of it. Now I'm doing, I say I'm, I have been doing better with controlling that. But again, when you have people that don't understand your situation, but yet it's almost like they keep egging it on and I'm trying to back out of it. So say you're trying to back out a dangerous situation. But a wall is eventually going to be right behind you. That's where I get to. I get to the point where my back is up against the wall and now I don't have anywhere to go. I have to keep listening to what you're saying and it's now making me angry. I don't have anywhere to go. So that's how I think of it.
Mathias Alberton (15:32.321)
And is there any way for the counterpart in the conversation or in the situation to understand this is happening to you? So for instance, as we talk right now, you and I, if I were saying something that would trigger an emotional reaction in you, could I do something? To either avoid it or to recognize that I did trigger something and then I can facilitate a quicker solution, a easier solution, an easier way out. Is there any chance at all? Or one, let's say in the example, I just need to wait until you go through your process.
Kijuan Amey (16:27.554)
Well, if we're face to face in person, you'll see my body language and my face changing. I promise you will. Because I don't know how to hide it. It gets to a point where I can't, I just, you know how that song is? I'm so excited that I just can't hide it. Well, same thing with all of my emotions. Whether I'm excited, whether I'm mad, whether I'm sad, I can't hide it.
So you're gonna notice something. And then if we're not face to face, you'll hear it in my voice or my responses. Whether they're quick, like I might just say the word, okay, one word. Or for example, this last one, somebody had, what is she? She addressed my tone. And I'm sitting there saying, my tone is changing because how you're talking to me.
I got on this phone as happy as I can be, just as content as I can be. But my phone changes, or my tone changes when you make it change.
Mathias Alberton (17:42.289)
And what about these you were mentioning as well another thing. the now I'm trying to remember precisely your words here. So, let's see... The thing that you are losing track of the conversation or where you are in the conversation. Yeah, it is triggered by something at all, you reckon? Or it's just random. It's just random.
Kijuan Amey (18:19.406)
My short term memory. It's literally, it's literally, so it's from the accident, the damage from the accident. But what happens is I will literally be involved in like a conversation. And if any distraction, whether it's from a person, I hear some loud noise that's distracting, whatever it is that stops me from focusing on that conversation, like I have to be focused. And if I'm no longer focused on said conversation, it's no longer a thing.
Mathias Alberton (18:59.889)
So let's say that, again, for the sake of the argument and for the people listening to you right now, this kind of environment we are in right now, you and I, is kind of optimal for you because you're listening to me, I'm listening to you, should be no distractions. So you are fully focused and this kind of events shouldn't happen. But let's say in usual social settings, anything could actually trigger this kind of response from you. Am I right?
Kijuan Amey (19:34.968)
I mean, it could happen here too. I've had moments where I've been online and for example, depending on what time of day people might be coming home. Or I know at one point there was in the early development of our housing development, they were doing explosions to blow up rocks. When I heard these explosions, it triggered my PTSD.
I don't care what was going on now. I now feel like I should be under a table. So it could happen at any moment and regardless of where I am.
Mathias Alberton (20:16.514)
I see. And going back to you mentioned a couple of times, of course, to your rehab process. It was pretty long because when you did have the accident quickly, just to highlight this to the audience. So you were riding a motorbike and the guy with the car in front of you did a strange maneuver unexpectedly and you just crashed straight into it. And then of course there were rounds and rounds of surgery on you for about a month before you were able even to understand what was all going on. So there was kind of, let's say, rehab in the hospital, but then the rehab to learn how to do things as a visually impaired and blind person later. And I'm referring to this part here right now. So you mentioned the Blind Rehabilitation Center through the Veterans Affairs Services that you access to in Texas. How long did you stay there or you were in and out? How was the logistic of it?
Kijuan Amey (21:35.886)
Well, those facilities are They're basically as necessary so I went there and you go there for whatever amount of time There's no timeline whatever however long it takes you because everybody's different To pick up on the things you'll need as far as your activities a daily living Yeah, I Learned things like copper tooling. I mean Geez, I did leather work, I did wood work, I did a lot of things. And of course, learning how to do my orientation and mobility. They teach you how to use electronic devices with the assisted technology. It's so much stuff that they can teach you based off of your needs. And so I even learned how to cook, you know, and it's again, all situational dependent because I was 27 when I went there. I was 27 when I went there. The guy who lived in the room next to me was 92.
So that's what I mean by, you know, it's all situational. He might've, it might've took him a little bit longer to learn than me, or he might've only needed one or two things to learn. See, I need to learn everything because I'm brand new to this. And so I think he was a World War II vet, if I'm not mistaken. Great guy, by the way. But it's just a wide range of people from... literally a 92 year old all the way to a 27. I'm pretty sure I was the youngest guy the 27 year old is Was the age range at this facility and we were not the only two people there? You know, it was it's situational dependent and that's how they treat it There's no hey only reason they would kick you out is if like you did something negligent or you just weren't trying at all
Mathias Alberton (23:48.945)
And from your, let's say, individual perspective, have you kind of understood blindness as an equalizer between blind people, meaning you mentioned you being 25, 27, and the guy 92 years old. Did you perceive him as a very old man? Or was just another guy like you were and you were pretty similar.
Kijuan Amey (24:24.462)
You know, I recognized his age, but I didn't think of him as that. thought of him as, man, you paved the way for me to come and have my chance in the United States Air Force. That's how we look at each other in the military. It's not about age. Now when you're in, they talk about rank. Because when I first went into basic training in 2011, I was 19.
And the oldest guy in my group was I think he was about to turn 28.
So there's a wide age gap there when you think of we're just, we're day one together. Day one, you know nothing, I know nothing. So age is usually not something that we factor in, but rank maybe, it depended on what the situation is. And after the fact, when you're a veteran, it's not even a thing.
It's more of a, man, what did you do? How did you serve? Where did you serve? When did you serve? That's all we care about. What did you do? Like, tell us some of the stories you went through. I'll tell you some of mine. That's all we care about.
Mathias Alberton (25:41.553)
So I guess my question is even more relevant in a sense. If you zoom out from the particularity of being in an army context where there are shared values such as the rank or the operation one was involved with, do you reckon now as a blind man, you are kind of not caring about the age of people anymore? Because you just listen to them or speak with them without really looking at them? Do you understand? I mean, do I make myself clear? So, right.
Kijuan Amey (26:25.824)
No, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I'm just trying to think of this in a manner that would come across clear to the listeners. It's not so much that I don't look at the age. It's that I'm listening more for what your intent is when you speak. Is your intent to say that I'm just a blind guy that is younger than you and probably don't know what's going on?
Or is your intent to be, hey man, you got some knowledge, you got some wisdom, you know, we should do some collaborations, we should do some of this and that, because I've had both spectrums, both integer spectrums. And so it's not that I don't notice your age, it's how are you using it? Are you using it as a control mechanism? Because that's not gonna work well with me. It doesn't, it doesn't work well with me.
And it's not to say that I can't be controlled, it's to say that why are you using that on me when there's no point? There's no reason. I have not given you reason to do that. Or even positions. Why are you using the title of your position on me when that's not even what we're discussing right now? We're discussing outside things, but you're using something that we are connected to basically be over top of me. I mean, maybe that's your hang up, but that's not mine. You know what I'm getting at? And so that's what I mean by that. So it's not that I completely ignore age. It's just that why, either how or why are you talking to me this way?
Mathias Alberton (28:14.385)
And putting this together linking back to the idea of the rehab and linking back to your book in the let's say at the beginning of the book talking about the the rehab process You mentioned something you wrote down something that actually was very interesting to me which you stated that you need to begin with the end in mind. Can you expand a bit on this idea, always related to your rehab or as you want?
Kijuan Amey (29:01.88)
So yeah, mean, everything has the end in mind. I mean, when you're cleaning up your house, you want it to be spic and span, right? But you gotta start somewhere. So when you begin, you're beginning with the end in mind. The end is for this house to be spic and span when I'm done with it. So when I go through different challenges, different obstacles, like when I went to the rehab center, my goal was to go there and absorb everything.
But the end goal was to come out of there knowing or way better than what I started with. I want to have way more knowledge than what I came in here with. And when I got back home, everybody was like, wow, well, you learned a lot or you learned this and that. And I had to get them to trust me. I was like, I just went to a whole nother side of the country to learn this stuff. And now I'm back. I need you guys to trust what I'm doing, what they taught me.
And I had to get people to trust me cooking, know, bathing, what do you call it? Clothing myself, you know, all these things. I said, I got it. They taught me how to do all of this using my phone, computer, everything. And that was actually how I wrote my book. I wrote my book using my desktop computer. No ghostwriter. It was just me because they helped me learn. And so when I say begin with the end in mind, it's to say that you have to have an end point somewhere. You can't just say, well, I'll start somewhere and just we'll figure out where it goes. No, that leads you in a incomplete type of mindset. We want to complete the task, but how do we complete it? Consider what makes it considered complete and that's what I'm getting
Mathias Alberton (31:05.411)
Now, you mentioned this as you went through it in the React process. Do you reckon you came across this idea of begin with the end of mind because of this React process that was meant to you, or it was already there? So something has changed before and after the accident in your way of thinking, or you always thought this was absolutely true to you.
Kijuan Amey (31:42.974)
Well, it was a newly adopted mindset is what it became. I had to kind of use that to learn how to get out of the rut that I was in. mean, because yeah, I dealt with a lot of things as you saw in the book, depression and suicidal thoughts and things of that nature. So it was a rut that I was in that I had to find my way out of and I clawed out, but I did make it out is the key point. So that's where that came from.
Mathias Alberton (32:14.705)
So the actor of your actions is you. That's the point that correct? Right. Right. Also, because you just mentioned, just the idea of being under heavy medication and in some respect, those were allegedly related to your well-being. But then you thought they were a bit too many, too much. You mentioned, of course, depression. And I don't know how many or which one of those would have had an effect on your depression back then. But can you tell me a bit more about this idea of, let's say, take back control over your own well-being away from medical mental sorts?
Kijuan Amey (33:16.184)
Well, I mean... The depression and the medication thing, there were two different timeframes. So I started making them take me off of those heavy medications when I was in the hospital. And the depression came when I got out of the hospital. And what it came from was the people you thought were gonna be there for the long haul, they're no longer there. Even the girlfriend that I had, she ended up ghosting me.
Like she completely changed her phone number. And I'm like, so you can completely change your phone number on me because of one accident. What were you here for?
You know, and so I tend not to even focus on it because I do have a significant other now who is to me hands down better than her. So I think I came out on the better side, but I won't even get into that because I'm not here to bash anybody. But the thing about it is.
That was where a lot of this stuff started happening. The visits were less. Not too many people were coming by anymore. I'm having all these arguments with people that I thought were in my corner. I'm seeing that people really don't want me too involved in what they're doing. And I'm like, so just because I had an accident, that just... They just pulled all of y'all away? Like, yeah. Before the accident, y'all wouldn't... Every weekend, y'all was looking for, what am I doing? Are you in town this week? Are you not? Are you coming out with us? Now I don't even get a text. I don't hear from you until you have something going and you want some handout or some information or some knowledge that I might have. But before, I couldn't get you off my line.
And so that's where the depression came in and then when the suicidal thoughts kicked in, it was because I was like, what am I here for then? If nobody that I thought should still be in my corner or wanting to have some kind of communications with me is no longer trying to have communications with me, well, what's the point? I might as well not be able to communicate.
Mathias Alberton (35:57.361)
And the time frame of this is, let's say, within six months you came back from the hospital or later.
Kijuan Amey (35:57.41)
And that was how I thought. No, that was... So I got out of hospital in July, so this is maybe... Probably August or September time frame. So that wasn't that long after I got out the hospital. Yeah, and this is early.
Mathias Alberton (36:22.02)
Early on, what changed in you as you progressed? Meaning the time passed by, you went through more more rehab.
And something also changed from being depressed, being suicidal and not being suicidal and eventually not being depressed. So what was the trigger? You mentioned something in the book. You don't expand too much on this. And I'm referring this conversation you did have with one of your uncles, if I don't remember wrong.
Kijuan Amey (37:05.496)
No, yeah, that's no, that's correct. That's my uncle for sale. And that was what I was getting.
Mathias Alberton (37:07.141)
Yep. Yep. So that was the, let's say that there was a meaningful conversation, but then you put in the work, what did you do? How did you cope? How do you strategize? If you want me to use these words, but you can express, explain as you wish.
Kijuan Amey (37:26.186)
Yeah, mean, that conversation was exactly what I was getting ready to point to. That one and many other wise conversations with other people who are wise. I had to learn that there literally were going to be people who did not understand how my life was going to work anymore. And because I already didn't understand it.
So how could I expect other people who aren't going through the trainings that I'm going to understand? And then, like, with me getting better, with me knowing how to use technology, social media, whatever you want to bring up, when I start posting, now people start responding. Now people want to see me. Why do you want to see me now?
When I needed your help, you weren't there. I had to go to outside sources now. And so it was just one of those moments where I had, no, I'm just gonna sit back and let you watch me now. Because when I needed you, you weren't there.
Mathias Alberton (38:44.449)
And now I'm thinking because of course I did have a few conversations on the same kind of topic with other people. I remember a very precise conversation which was part of my research on visual impairment, touch exchange and participation in physical activity confidence: you might find the resource on my links if you wish. And, um, the person was going through something similar to what you described. Um, but I would say that the direction is very different. So he, this person was saying something like, uh, I didn't find myself comfortable anymore among people.
And therefore I didn't want to have anything to do with people. And therefore I became very depressed and I did have fantasies of suicidal intention and so forth.
Vice versa, what you're saying is, well, I was there. And people backed away. And therefore, because of the disappearance of people, not because of I felt about myself, but because of the behavior of other people, then I put myself in a situation of depression or dark thoughts. So kind of the same results from two different pathways, if you wish.
So I was thinking over the idea that the person who is affected maybe all of a sudden as for yourself or is affected generally by visual impairment becomes different than the people he normally goes with. So these people don't recognize him anymore.
And therefore they don't know how to behave with the vision impaired person.
So this change in behavior seems to me very much like a kind of maladaptive behavior, kind of. I don't know what to do. I just go away. I just go away. So I don't have to deal with it. Or this person now is so different, then he scares me. So I don't know how to deal with this. never thought I should have deal with something like this. So I just avoid the problem altogether. Is it something like this? What do you think?
Kijuan Amey (42:07.532)
You know, you were talking, all I could think of was I wish people would stop trying to treat me as if I have some kind of contagious disease.
Because if somebody, for example, does have some kind of contagious disease, what is your thought process? You stay away. I can't be around you because I don't want it. Well, I don't have a contagious disease. I might have a contagious laugh, a contagious smile, a contagious sense of humor. Tell me which one of those are bad.
Because when I think of these different things, it's like, I feel like I'm a plague of some sort to the people that I used to hang out with, commune with, have fun adventures with, and now I don't know you, basically. You've had, I know some people that had two, three kids, and I still don't really remember their names because I don't. I don't know him. Only time I see him is when we have some kind of social event. And that's rare now, you know, ever since COVID.
People are still having these moments of fear around COVID. And I'm like, okay, that's just like the flu. Get over it. Take your shot and keep going. If you take those shots, have at it. If you don't, you don't have to. But what you shouldn't do is live in fear because our bodies were made to fight infections. But it seems like, and it's crazy I say this, people who believe in the creator think that he did a bad job, apparently. You get what I mean by that? And so I don't know, man, I just, again, I'm gonna end by saying, I just wish people didn't treat me like I had some kind of infectious or contagious disease.
Mathias Alberton (44:33.869)
And do you reckon that the people you are surrounded by now, or let's say in the last few years, are different than the people you were surrounded by then? So what I imply is the new people, the new friends are more friends than the lost ones just because they came to know you as you are right now, let's say, the new person, the modified person, the updated version of you.
Kijuan Amey (45:19.278)
I mean, some of the people that I've met after my accident, not before and then we rolled into the accident, but the people I've met since May 5th, 2017, they're more understanding because they don't know me before that. And I feel like that's the disconnect and the hangup is that those people who knew me before that don't understand that I am somewhat different. Understand that. Yeah, like.
Mathias Alberton (45:44.923)
They couldn't adjust.
Kijuan Amey (45:47.318)
Like exactly, like the same way I'm adapting to this is the same way you guys are gonna have to adjust too. I can't just be the only one adjusting because it's not gonna work. It's gonna clash.
Mathias Alberton (45:58.481)
So the idea is that those who didn't have to adjust are, let's say, so to speak, behaving better than the one who did have the choice between adjusting and not adjusting and decided not to adjust at all. Right.
Kijuan Amey (46:16.054)
Basically.
Mathias Alberton (48:52.827)
So I am aware of time. So I was really curious to ask you a question. If you want, it is a general question, but it's a very specific one at the same time. reading your book, which I repeat, the audience will find in link in bio, don't focus on why me. We read about the accident, we read about the rehab, and the rehab is justified or clarified in your words as the foundation for independence. And also there is this idea of adaptation to your condition as a blind person because you realize at some point that oftentimes when you were doing some activities such as playing the drums, you were, let's say, in the zone. And when in the zone, some other people made you remark that actually you were closing your eyes. So you already felt comfortable in a certain, let's say, darkness, if you want.
Mathias Alberton (50:19.985)
and that this, understanding this realization that you were somehow doing this dark zone thing on your own already before made you realize that you already had all the skills, all the capabilities to overcome the difficulty of this new condition of as a blind man. My question, I suppose, is was this a process or was just really a realization? So once that you understood it, you embraced the change much better, much quicker, and once and for all.
Kijuan Amey (51:04.621)
So what that moment allowed me to understand is that I had hope. I had hope that I could definitely move forward in life with this now life altering change. The biggest thing is I was just blessed beyond the measures that I could still play. I'm thankful, you know, that I can still play my drum set. I mean, you can see behind me, but the audience can't see. I still have my drums here at the house and I play at my church every Sunday I'm there. So I've even played in churches in Texas and where else? Some other places too, I mean.
But, you know, it's just one of those things that I'm blessed to still be able to do first and foremost. also, like I said, giving me hope that I could do other things. I've actually done downhill skiing since my accident, rock climbing, tandem cycling, shot putt discus, archery, I've shot in archery before, air rifle.
And with that, you use an audible system almost like, you know, putting on headphones and it talks you, not necessarily talks to you, but does an audible sound for when you're the closer you get to the middle of the, of the target. And so it's really interesting, really cool, but it allowed me to understand that there were ways of getting around this thing.
Mathias Alberton (52:42.935)
And your idea of focusing on: Why not me? Where did it come from?
Kijuan Amey (52:55.982)
was a conversation me and God were having when I was in the hospital, when I kept asking him, why me? Why did you do this to me? Why did you choose me for this accident? I didn't want this. For those who understand the Bible, I didn't want to have a Job experience is what I called it. And so Job had everything. When I say everything, mean land, houses, family, the riches, all of it.
Kijuan Amey (53:24.906)
And it was basically taken away. But Joe had no idea it was going to be given to him on a bigger level, a bigger scale. He had no idea. He was just trusting in God at that point. And so I was like, yeah, you know, that's cool and all, but I don't want this situation. I was OK with what I was doing, you know. But again, you know, I'm going to go through those ups and downs, those highs and lows, those valleys and the peaks. But what I do know is that I have to trust in God, And he told me right then and there in that hospital bed, he said, well, why not you?
And I was like, I really don't have a response because I already gave you all the questions, but yet you still say, not me? And so that was where those the mindset of, know, he was revealing to me how somebody told me I played the drums with my eyes closed, how I used to do things when I was little in the dark and even as an adult, you know, going to the restroom in the dark.
You don't tend to turn on lights at night because that'll startle not only you, but maybe a significant other if you have one that you reside with. And so it was one of those things. I just learned that I had to deal with what was going on, regardless of the situation.
Mathias Alberton (54:52.337)
Kijuan, thank you very much for being so frank, open, honest and sharing this precious insight about your experience. must be also, I believe, somewhat painful to go through now and then to your past, your accident. It must be not easy and I want you to know that I really appreciate your sharing. Thank you very much.
Kijuan Amey (55:19.864)
Thank you so much. again, I appreciate you having me on your platform to share my story.
Mathias Alberton (55:25.147)
Fantastic. I also want to thank all the audience who has listened to this episode. And if you do have a question to Kijuan, of course you will find his links in the description of the episode or forward me the questions and I will send them to him. Absolutely no problem. I repeat, if you are interested in helping at Martial Attitude Training to do some work with visually impaired and blind people to gain more confidence whilst navigating social settings, please do so by sending me an email or contacting me on social media as you prefer. And you know it, as usual, you keep in touch.